Author: Sara Payne
The future can be terrifying, but planning for mine gave me hope. When I got sick, I tried to take it one day at a time because I quickly learned how unpredictable life can be. However, I still planned for my future: graduate high school, go to college, become a paramedic and be happy. I never knew if I was going to achieve those things, but holding onto that picture in my mind helped me a lot.
When I was in hospital, anytime I felt like giving up I would look outside and see my future self in an ambulance, helping others. I was healthy and happy in my uniform. I would also envision myself in my future apartment, decorated the way I want it and my cat lying by the window enjoying some sun.
There have been times I thought I wasn’t going to be able to achieve my dream. But knowing how badly I wanted it to become a reality made me work that much harder. I wasn’t going to let cancer take this away from me. One of my favourite quotes is, “You want it because your future self already has it.” It gives me motivation to work hard and keep going.
Music was another thing I held on to when I was sick. Music and lyrics are like a story that can be interpreted however you want and provide an escape. One song I regularly listen to nowadays is WITHOUT YOU by NCT U. It’s about feeling alone and isolated, but it also shows that all it takes is one person to turn your life around and help you see better days. It makes me think of my friends who never left my side when I got sick and my mom who was with me 24/7.
I have a lot of good memories with my mom in the hospital. I also met some amazing people and even made some friends for life. Connecting with teens my age who went through the same thing I did and hearing their stories of survival helped me feel more at ease.
Regardless of what someone is dealing with, I think everyone has one thing they can hold on to even if they may not realize it. Maybe it’s a feeling, or a person or a small thing you do daily.
It can be hard to figure out what it is because our brain can get so filled with the stresses in life.
I think I’m now at a point where I’ve learned to enjoy my own company. I have a few solid friendships I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have good relationships with my cousins and even when I am physically alone, I don’t feel lonely.
Having cancer, and even being in remission, is such an isolating and lonely experience sometimes, but getting lost in daydreams about my future and listening to music makes me feel less lonely. I truly hope everyone has that one thing to comfort them and bring them joy, even if it’s for just 10 minutes a day. I can’t say for sure things will get easier, but I think it’s still worth it.